Reasons for being a little less cheerful 2022

 After trying to be positive at the end of 2021, 2022 is not turning out quite as I hoped.

Pandemic wise it has not got easier. We continue to face increasing COVID infection rates that are impacting on the work in hospitals, care homes, hospices, and the wider community. There’s the possibility of Tb increasing too as a missed diagnosis. Alongside this, the financial squeeze on care workers is going to impact on retention and recruitment. Even worse is the potential taxing of NHS workers by making them pay for their LFTs, after the government missed the group out when ending the access to free LFTs.

At a time when many are disgruntled, at least, this feels a final ignominy. I happen to occupy a relatively well paid nursing role, and I will find it difficult to pay for the tests. NHS employers say they are worried about this situation yet have been slow to show leadership in sorting this out.

In the meantime we are going through a period of war, that in the context of our global family is an experience relatively few will recall, and which is heartbreakingly thrust into view across all media. This attack on Ukraine and it’s people is a manufactured excuse for the oppression of these people, whose right to self determination is under threat just as was seen in the two world wars. Our Human Rights, developed in the aftermath of the Second World War and enshrined in the UK as the Human Rights Act, are under siege by the current government who want to encroach on them. We need to remain vigilant and be clear voices for those who need protection from abuses. 

As I write today we are asked to celebrate Mother’s Day, and so we should. Motherhood encompasses many models, sadly not all them positive as recent cases have shown. Without dwelling on those examples I’d rather be thinking of all the work mums do, and hoping that we can be much more appreciative of that each day of the year. That is a positive reminder that there still much to be thankful for and enjoy.

Masking the reality

In the midst of this pandemic there has been a continuing focus in discussions about the importance of self care. I’ve been able to ‘keep going’ though challenges - such as a friend from school days dying in the first wave had impact. 

On top of that work has continued to get busier, caring for more of those dying. Our team has worked hard, making a real difference for our colleagues and those in our care. They continue to do so, supporting each other and providing the service as well as keeping up a stream of warm drinks, cakes, laughs, and gifts. I wonder now about the impact of these deaths on my evolving story. A positive aspect has been our love of sharing the stories of life outside work. Not always Covid-19 related, but tales of incidents, reminiscing about travels and family life.

Meanwhile the worsening pandemic news, coupled with a vision of vaccine salvation gave me mixed emotions. And the influence of all this? As a leader and managerI felt vulnerable, and I ignored the direction of my own story, becoming reluctant to show where everything I thought about was heading. 

Then a one off incident from nearly 7 years ago came back to have an unexpected impact. An anaphylactic shock brought on by a sun cream whilst visiting Canada, means I carry an adrenaline pen to avoid a recurrence. As the Pfizer vaccine was introduced two cases of an allergic reaction were noted. As a precaution (at the time of writing in Jan 2021), if you a carry an Epipen or similar, I was told you cannot have the Pfizer vaccine. In the last week there was news that there was less worry about potential allergies and the Pfizer vaccine so I asked again to be vaccinated. It turns out there is one ingredient in that vaccine that is also used in some sun creams. 

Leaving the vaccination centre without protection suddenly overwhelmed me. 

I cried as I walked away. I was willing to take the risk. I want to protect loved ones.

Without vaccination I remain vulnerable to Covid-19. 

It was then a colleague listened to my story and gave me permission to take time to process what it meant. 

Once able to recognise how the story was influencing me, I could take control of my narrative and reshape the next chapter. I do wonder though that many in leadership and management positions silence their own narratives whilst trying to help others. How healthy is that for us? Perhaps better to be open about ourselves rather than wearing emotional masks as well as physical ones. 

 

Reflections on connections

 In common with so many others I have found myself thinking about 2020, what has been positive about it, and what we can take forward.

Implicit in all has been the pandemic, much more has been written about that so that is the last direct mention here.

As we approach the end of December there are various celebrations that take place, religious festivals as well as the move to more daylight each day.

One word I’ve seen mention a lot is kindness, so on Christmas Eve I’m wearing my #PinkSocks. You can see them here reflected from my desk space in the new cancer centre in Milton Keynes.

Starting with @nickisnpdx pink socks has taken off with being centred around passion, empathy, caring and connection. These are a great set of values and reflect the best of 2020 looking back. Through the connection to Dr Kate Granger, and her husband Chris I have my pink socks. Whilst thinking about their experience the #HelloMyNameIs mantra reminded me that whilst we may be masked it is really important to communicate who we are and to listen in turn. I have a daily reminder with my hot drinks at work.

As I put on my pink socks this morning I noticed again the jigsaw pieces in the pattern. They jumped out as I recalled reading the Twitter thread from @GeorgeJulian. I’ve not had the privilege of meeting George, having had occasional interaction via the Twittersphere. I recommend following her threads on social justice, and inquests. Not always comfortable reading, they’re worth the time.

Without spoiling the ending there’s a link to connections and a jigsaw that really struck a chord, about friendship and and it’s value.  Sufficient to say it brought back memories and made me think about the links I have, even with people I’ve not met. Even so, in all the losses of this year so much more has been positive, particularly when we share through empathy, passion, caring and connection. 

I wish that the coming times are positive for you, with kindness to the fore and with thanks to those who have connected with me.