A while ago I did one of those Facebook things, something about a motto for life. The answer I was given said essentially I should drop the past, forget it and move on, looking forward. Had I been 20ish, I might not have thought so much about it.
Of course I shouldn't take that kind of thing literally; it has however given me something to consider that has to be written out loud now.
My concern when that was said was that I was engaged in looking back. First as I begin to consider planning in advance for retirement there's what has work been about and what options are there for the future. Then via a closed group on Facebook (last mention) of friends who went to Southfields School in SW London the idea of a reunion grew into a reality that happened on the 13th May, just gone. If that's not looking back I'm not sure what is.
Alongside that the fabulous #twitterdisco held once a month has helped me rediscover music and its associated memories. Yes, flared trousers, longish hair and collars and lapels that needed wide load warnings; standing on platform shoes nervously wondering if a girl would like a dance, if only I could attract one away from the lure of the handbag mound mid-floor.
Then there has been my consideration of my performance at work driven partly through the benefit of excellent coaching over the last few months. This led to looking backwards at how I've performed in the past, digging out evidence of 360 degree feedback and repeating the exercise. So there's been lots of ‘rear view mirror’ work.
For me the benefit of ignoring the ‘forget the past, live for now and look forward’ would be to miss out rich sources of information that can help the future.
So when retirement comes I'll have what I've enjoyed doing recreationally to fall back on as well as new things to learn. Friendships that have endured since school will still exist as we plan road trips and travel to see those across the globe. The writing and drawing that sustained me in school are becoming more important now. My love of listening to music will remain strong and be a source of relaxation and inspiration. More immediate is the feedback I've been given in the last week. It shows a lot of reassuring positives as well as identifying things to work on. Even the worst times of early schooling, pre Southfields, have an importance in showing how good the now and future look.
For me then, without looking back I'd have a poorer future, and certainly a very dull present. I therefore recommend looking back on occasion, you may see something afresh just as useful as what's in front of you.
I've wanted to write something about the Life.Death.Whatever. event for over a week now, since making my visit to the National Trust's Sutton House in Hackney where the October long event is being held. There was much to take in so I needed to start before too long goes by.
As I write this remarkable experience is in its last week; the creators and curators Louise Winter and Anna Lyons deserve praise and awards for the rich content that has gone into the exhibition.
Use the website to see the ideas and contents of the exhibition; I'd like to reflect a little on my visit. I was able to attend the Good Funeral weekender where a variety of funeral providers and celebrants interacted with visitors set amongst the installations. I've included some pictures below.
I was able to reflect on the death of my father and who he was to me. This was really helpful as I come to understand who I am, and be at peace with what our relationship had as well as what was missed. Dad died 12 years ago and I'm conscious too that I am possibly - as has been mentioned recently - turning into my father. Given his health deteriorated with dementia progressing to dying aged 77 I'd prefer a different ending. Whatever ending that will be, Life Death Whatever helped me rethink how ones life can be celebrated as it ends and in terms of what happens when death happens. I realised we did a good thing in celebrating dad and his life; more recent family funerals have also been uplifting in terms of celebration rather than extreme somber-ness.
It's time to consider how I'd like to be remembered at the time of farewell; this requires thought and discussion with my loved ones. It will need financial planning and careful consideration; I have lots of music I'd like to include as well as some words to say, that is to have said. The great thing I learned on my visit was that there are many creative people who are willing to help with the farewell planning of an individualised event.
From the coffin ball pit, the paintings, sculptures, digital recordings, talks and creative cocktails plus NT type tea coffee and cakes LifeDeathWhatever was thought provoking, challenging of traditional
funeral rites, and a beautiful way to consider what we might like to do when death comes. After life there's death, and to save an awkward Whatever for those who are left behind, I suggest you get planning.
Thanks and congratulations go to all involved with LifeDeathWhatever; it will have affected people in many ways and I'm just describing one of the areas that it's had impact on me. I hope the team will be able to take LifeDeathWhatever forward; the openness of the conversations should however be all the responsibility of all of us.
